General Booty, Rowdy Beers Headline 2024 College Football All-Name Team

    With players like Kool-Aid McKinstry and Chop Robinson off to the NFL, we rank the best remaining names for our College Football All-Name Team.

    One of the more entertaining aspects of the vastness of college football is the wide range of varying names from across the scope. Adjectives, animals, objects; anything can be a name if you believe it can.

    With over 15,000 FBS football players, there are bound to be some names that stand out above the rest. Keeping it in FBS and avoiding nicknames, we did a deep dive for the best ones for the CFN 2024 College Football All-Name Team.

    2024 College Football All-Name Team | Offense

    Oklahoma Sooners quarterback General Booty became a household name amongst football fans without throwing a pass. He hasn’t registered any stats in two seasons in Norman, but his name is known far and wide due to its unusual description of a common backside.

    Similar to Booty, FIU tight end Rowdy Beers, LA Tech receiver Decoldest Crawford, and SMU offensive lineman King Large went viral for their names before even playing in a college game. Crawford even did a commercial for an A/C company as a true freshman with the Nebraska Cornhuskers based on the merits of his chilly name.

    Large is the youngest addition to the offense of the CFN College Football All-Name Team as a true freshman, and he’s already in the running for best overall. The big man from California lives up to his name, measuring in at 6’5″ and 295 pounds.

    QB: General Booty, Oklahoma
    RB: Djouvensky Schlenbaker, Washington
    FB: Daba Fofana, Navy
    TE: Rowdy Beers, FIU
    WR: Decoldest Crawford, LA Tech
    WR: Phat Watts, Tulane
    LT: Jaden Muskrat, Auburn
    LG: King Large, SMU
    C:  Parker Titsworth, Ohio
    RG: Dodge Sauser, Iowa State
    RT: Hannes Hammer, Virgnia Tech

    2024 College Football All-Name Team | Defense

    UTSA has the distinction of being the only team with multiple players on this list, and they both play in the same vicinity on the field. Junior safety Pig Cage and freshman corner Alpha Khan haven’t played much for the Roadrunners yet, with Cage appearing in 16 games with 23 tackles and two defended passes.

    The defensive backfield might have the strongest case for best position for its group of all-time names.

    Along with Cage and Khan, there are two aptly descriptive names for players in positions of speed with Rice corner Moh Bility and LSU safety Major Burns. Bility hasn’t recorded any stats with the Owls or as a true freshman at UNT, but Burns was a starter for the Tigers last year, registering 93 tackles and a pick-six.

    Purdue defensive lineman Shitta Sillah is the elder statesman of the All-Name Team, entering his sixth year. He transferred to the Boilermakers after 80 tackles in five seasons at Boston College. Fellow defensive lineman Demon Clowney is the cousin of former South Carolina Gamecock Jadeveon Clowney.

    DL: Shitta Sillah, Purdue
    DL: Demon Clowney, Charlotte
    DL: Blazen Lono-Wong, Arizona State
    EDGE: Memorable Factor, Duke
    LB: Power Echols, North Carolina
    LB: Chief Borders, Nebraska
    CB: Moh Bility, Rice
    CB: Alpha Khan, UTSA
    DB: Major Burns, LSU
    SAF: Pig Cage, UTSA
    SAF: Storm Duck, Louisville

    Specialists All-Name Team

    Because kickers are people too, we’ve included a section just for them even though it’s just a two man group. Syracuse punter Maximillan Von Marburg is from Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia. He took a redshirt last year, but made the Ray Guy Award Watch List as a freshman in 2022, averaging 39.83 yards per kick.

    KEEP READING: Projecting the 2024-2025 College Football Playoff

    A junior out of Flower Mound, Texas, Bert Auburn has been the Longhorns’ primary kicker the last two seasons, making 50 of 61 attempts and 114 extra points. He’s also a semi-two-way threat with one career catch for one yard.

    P: Maximilian Von Marburg, Syracuse
    K: Bert Auburn, Texas

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