One of the more entertaining aspects of the vastness of college football is the wide range of varying names from across the scope. Adjectives, animals, objects; anything can be a name if you believe it can.
With over 15,000 FBS football players, there are bound to be some names that stand out above the rest. Keeping it in FBS and avoiding nicknames, we did a deep dive for the best ones for the CFN 2024 College Football All-Name Team.
2024 College Football All-Name Team | Offense
Oklahoma Sooners quarterback General Booty became a household name amongst football fans without throwing a pass. He hasn’t registered any stats in two seasons in Norman, but his name is known far and wide due to its unusual description of a common backside.
Similar to Booty, FIU tight end Rowdy Beers, LA Tech receiver Decoldest Crawford, and SMU offensive lineman King Large went viral for their names before even playing in a college game. Crawford even did a commercial for an A/C company as a true freshman with the Nebraska Cornhuskers based on the merits of his chilly name.
Large is the youngest addition to the offense of the CFN College Football All-Name Team as a true freshman, and he’s already in the running for best overall. The big man from California lives up to his name, measuring in at 6’5″ and 295 pounds.
QB: General Booty, Oklahoma
RB: Djouvensky Schlenbaker, Washington
FB: Daba Fofana, Navy
TE: Rowdy Beers, FIU
WR: Decoldest Crawford, LA Tech
WR: Phat Watts, Tulane
LT: Jaden Muskrat, Auburn
LG: King Large, SMU
C: Parker Titsworth, Ohio
RG: Dodge Sauser, Iowa State
RT: Hannes Hammer, Virgnia Tech
2024 College Football All-Name Team | Defense
UTSA has the distinction of being the only team with multiple players on this list, and they both play in the same vicinity on the field. Junior safety Pig Cage and freshman corner Alpha Khan haven’t played much for the Roadrunners yet, with Cage appearing in 16 games with 23 tackles and two defended passes.
The defensive backfield might have the strongest case for best position for its group of all-time names.
Along with Cage and Khan, there are two aptly descriptive names for players in positions of speed with Rice corner Moh Bility and LSU safety Major Burns. Bility hasn’t recorded any stats with the Owls or as a true freshman at UNT, but Burns was a starter for the Tigers last year, registering 93 tackles and a pick-six.
Purdue defensive lineman Shitta Sillah is the elder statesman of the All-Name Team, entering his sixth year. He transferred to the Boilermakers after 80 tackles in five seasons at Boston College. Fellow defensive lineman Demon Clowney is the cousin of former South Carolina Gamecock Jadeveon Clowney.
DL: Shitta Sillah, Purdue
DL: Demon Clowney, Charlotte
DL: Blazen Lono-Wong, Arizona State
EDGE: Memorable Factor, Duke
LB: Power Echols, North Carolina
LB: Chief Borders, Nebraska
CB: Moh Bility, Rice
CB: Alpha Khan, UTSA
DB: Major Burns, LSU
SAF: Pig Cage, UTSA
SAF: Storm Duck, Louisville
Specialists All-Name Team
Because kickers are people too, we’ve included a section just for them even though it’s just a two man group. Syracuse punter Maximillan Von Marburg is from Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia. He took a redshirt last year, but made the Ray Guy Award Watch List as a freshman in 2022, averaging 39.83 yards per kick.
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A junior out of Flower Mound, Texas, Bert Auburn has been the Longhorns’ primary kicker the last two seasons, making 50 of 61 attempts and 114 extra points. He’s also a semi-two-way threat with one career catch for one yard.
P: Maximilian Von Marburg, Syracuse
K: Bert Auburn, Texas
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